


void

by ftoustarz



Category: Original Work
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Help, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Other, POV Second Person, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29749317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftoustarz/pseuds/ftoustarz
Summary: a fog consumes your mind, the void of apathy is endless and there is nothing you can do as everything repeats and the torture of your mind begins once more.





	void

**Author's Note:**

> ello i couldn't put all the warnings in the tags but pls do take note that this work deals with derealization, depersonalization, and dehumanization. if any if these are triggers for you pls be careful when reading this work <3.

lowercase intended !!

  
  
  


the world spins and turns round and round for another day and you are the void. 

alive but not living has feelings but can not feel and, how are you allowed to call yourself a human if u are numb to the essential things that make the intricate being of a human? 

you drift through the day and can never seem to remember the basics. you are in a wrestling match with your mind to fight off the fog of hypnosis that pulls you in the backseat of yourself and turns on auto-pilot. 

in the night you can barely remember what had happened during the day despite it happening mere hours ago and with this revelation, you once again go void, numb to the world around you. 

you awaken and the world tilts around you and for a second you are confused about where you are and what happened. ‘disorientation’ a voice whispers sickly-sweet in your head. when had you fallen asleep, why couldn't you remember that. and that was the problem wasn’t it? remembering.

you panic. 

how can one forget something as simple as falling asleep? is it getting worse? why is it getting worse? 

~~ REMEMBER REMEMBER REMEMBER ~~

the air in your lungs is quickly stolen from your lungs and your choking for air as you spiral. would you start to remember less and less, where were you, why are you here? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GET YOURSELF TOGETHER AND REMEMBER?!

all feelings that you may have once had are distant memories as you come down from your spiral, numb. you stare blankly at the wall and you can barely tell as you scratch at the arms that once tugged violently against your hair as if in an attempt to tear your long-forgotten memories from your head.

some fog clears in your head and for once you think.

there are some things that a human needs to call themselves one; emotions, basic memory, and perhaps a thing in a chest that doesn't claws at lungs as it slowly chokes the air that you need so desperately to breath.

a realization strikes you and lightning traps the heart that you aren’t even sure is there anymore. you ….. you lack everything that makes one a human, don’t you?

you stare numbly and fog is always trapping your head, sometimes you stare at yourself from afar as the day passes another auto-pilot.

as soon as the day has passed and the moon emits its ghostly glow upon the Earth you already forget what had happened when the sun burned your skin don’t you? it had once been a thing of rarity to you but now it had morphed into something that would feel alien without.

you know that a heart is there in your chest and without it, you would be forgotten to the world.

~~sometimes you wonder if maybe that’d be better than drifting in the void that you were slowly~~ ~~decaying in.~~

sometimes the thing in your chest beats so erratically that your lungs can't handle it and you choke and gasp and plead so that maybe for even just a minute you can breathe. most of the time though the beating thing in your chest is melancholy and slow and makes you ponder if you are alive and not a ghost left to wander Earth after your corrupted soul was taken from you.

all these things you lack. even if sometimes you can feel, remember, and know what the thing beating in your chest is and let your lungs fill with crisp air unchocked, that it is a minority of the time, a rarity.

what are you if not a human? is the world that drastically changes around you and is more intricate than anyone could think of fake? no amount of writing and thinking could give the surprises and cruel plot twists that this world has to offer.

‘ _it’s you isn’t it_ ’ a stray intruding thought says, its voice that is so like your own throws this poison at you. the poison seeps into your brain and rots it as the thought, akin to a broken record, repeats itself in your rotting brain.

what is there to tell you that you aren’t a game character programmed to have a story and ending, would any go through the trouble of making a character that deteriorates due to itself. 

perhaps you’re a ghost that had stolen the flesh of another after taking the breath out of their lungs and making them like you.

maybe this is all an elaborate dream, maybe that is an explanation for the out-of-body experiences that plague you. a dream would explain a lot of things you realize, your mind clearing itself from the fog as the clarity of everything being a dream stabs at you. 

**_do you need to WAKE UP?_ **

~~**WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP….. IT'S BEEN SO LONG** **…..** ~~

_ its time to wake up __________ _

  
  


a gasp tears itself from you and your shaking in your bed. 

no no no no no no no  **no no no NO NO NO NO.**

had everything really been a dream? how long has it been? was it only a night that had felt like a year of torture or was it days, weeks, and years of sleeping? what if you are still in the dream.

is anything real, am I real, are you real? please please please tell me I don’t want to repeat this.

the cycle- ~~**no no please no not again.**~~

the cycle repeats itself once again and you are in the amber of the void for all eternity.

  
  
  


_ ‘Are you dead? Sometimes I think I'm dead ‘cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head _

_ But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet.’ ‘Get a load of this monster he doesn't know how to communicate His mind is in a different place Will everybody please give him a little bit of space Get a load of this trainwreck his hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet But little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms’ _

  * **_This Is Home by Cavetown_**



  
  
  



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